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title: When Good Enough Is Never Good Enough
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 An A-minus isn't a crisis. But for some high achievers, it can feel like one. When does striving for excellence become something harmful?  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­    ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­  

| Not rendering correctly? View this email as a web page here. When Good Enough Is Never Good Enough A medical student of mine recently got some tough exam results back. She passed...  but didn't get the score she wanted. Of course, there's nothing wrong with wanting to do well. The danger comes when “doing well” is never good enough. Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, researcher, and author of the book The Success Trap, has studied a harmful pattern called maladaptive perfectionism: setting impossibly high, rigid standards and tying your sense of self-worth to achieving them. Slavin says, "It's the kid getting an A minus and feeling like it's a crisis. So having high standards isn't the problem, it's the disappointment that you may feel with it that makes it maladaptive, and the correlations then of that mindset with depression and anxiety." That's an important distinction. Healthy high achievers are motivated by success. Maladaptive perfectionists are often motivated by avoiding failure. An A-minus doesn't mean, “I did well, but I could improve.” It can mean, “I failed.” Where does that voice come from? Slavin, a pediatrician, argues that some of it begins in the culture surrounding children. “It's not just schools. There's very strong evidence of a rise in what's called intensive parenting. After the first pregnancy test, people are thinking about, you know, what pre-school can I get my kid in? How do I make sure, as a six-year-old, they're a good enough soccer player to make the club team? That used to be highly concentrated in more wealthy communities and has spread geographically and socioeconomically.” Parents and teachers may intend to encourage high achievement, but eventually an external message — “You need to get an A” — can become internal: “I got an A-minus, so I've failed.” And that voice can follow us into adulthood. Maladaptive perfectionism has been studied among athletes, musicians, lawyers, medical students, and physicians. It can fuel anxiety, depression, and even procrastination. You put off starting a project because you're afraid you won't do it perfectly. You avoid a challenge because you might fail. Ironically, the relentless pursuit of perfection can actually get in the way of achievement. So parents and teachers need to ask not only, “What pressure are we putting on kids today?” but, “What habits of thought are we teaching them that they might carry into adulthood?” Fortunately, Slavin says those habits can change. “You're not consigned to having \[to\] suffer with it for the rest of your life. There are ways that you can learn to recognize that your mind is thinking in that way… \[The\] goal isn't to get rid of it, but to manage it, manage your thoughts in really effective ways.” One proven technique for reducing these maladaptive thoughts is cognitive behavioral therapy. Keep the ambition. Keep the high standards. But learn to recognize the voice that says anything short of perfect is failure. Striving to be the best we can be can motivate us. Perfection can imprison us. — Dr. Michael Wilkes with a Second Opinion The latest on Question Everything with Brian Reed: The Curious Case of the Fake Florida Newsroom... a whodunit for the AI-age. Download the KCRW App     KCRW 1900 Pico Blvd.  Santa Monica, CA 90405  You received this email because you are subscribed to Second Opinion from KCRW. Update your email preferences to choose the types of emails you receive. Unsubscribe from all future emails. |
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